Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 10

Meet Helena

Our latest Inspiring Woman is Helena, who decided to take a break from drinking for awhile….six months ago! Read her story here about how and why she started rethinking drinking.

First, how would you introduce yourself? Tell us a little bit about Helena!

I'm Helena, a forty-something stay-at-home mom to two teenagers (and wife to an awesome husband!), as well as a part-time freelance virtual assistant for the past 12 years (before my kids were born, I worked full-time in marketing). I love reading, doing yoga and exercising, and spending time with family and good friends.

What has your relationship with alcohol been like prior to rethinking drinking?

When I was younger - my university years and through my 20s and very early 30s, I think it's fair to say I didn't miss a chance to party (way too much) - and of course drinking (way too much) alcohol was a huge part of that. When my kids were born, my relationship with alcohol changed quite a bit, as I learned to consume alcohol the so-called "right" way (in moderation according to the government's guidelines), although as my kids got a little older and less all-absorbing, probably a few of times a year, I threw all caution to the wind (and suffered the brutal hangovers as a result!). Over time, I guess as my body got used to consuming less and less, I really just gradually stopped enjoying the taste (well, except for prosecco if I'm honest, which I loved), feeling and after-effects of it.

What was the moment you decided to rethink drinking?

It was less of a moment and more of a process - a gradual lessening of tolerance for the effects of alcohol, combined with learning more about the health risks and frankly shady marketing around the substance. As I've gotten older, it doesn't take much alcohol to trigger a headache, or an anxiety attack, so last summer I decided to take one of my "breaks from alcohol" for 3 months - and as of today my 3 months has been about 6 months, with no end in sight.

Has the change in your relationship with alcohol been easy or difficult? What do you think contributed to this for you? 

It's been pretty easy to be honest - there are so many great alcohol-free choices to enjoy when I feel like I want something elevated to drink. The hardest part has been worrying that I'll look like a killjoy - but it turns out most people actually don't care what I'm drinking!

Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or that you wish you had known earlier? 

Yes - I had no idea how much of an anxiety trigger even a small amount of alcohol can be. Although I knew that heavy drinking could impact mental health, I thought as a more light or moderate drinker I was immune from that - turns out I was wrong!

What kind of tools/prompts/books/podcasts did you use to help you on your journey toward rethinking alcohol? Do you still use these tools? 

The two biggest game changers for me were Alan Carr's "No More Hangovers" and then "Mindful Drinking" by Rosamund Dean. Carr's book really busted through the societal conditioning I had about alcohol, while Dean's book lowered the stakes on the whole thing, and shifted the conversation in my brain from "should I quit forever or not" to "what choices serve me right now"?

What are some benefits you have experienced since rethinking the place alcohol holds in your life? 

I have had virtually no headaches since cutting it out. I also have an anxiety disorder, and cutting out alcohol means no waking up in the night with "hangxiety" attacks.

What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge? 

Friday evening is one trigger for me, or chit chatting with good girlfriends over a bottle of something ... It turns out that for me, replacing the prosecco with kombucha, sparkling water, or alcohol-free wine is just as satisfying - I still use my fancy champagne glass and that makes all the difference!

How did removing alcohol from your life contribute to your role as a caregiver and/or as a working professional?

I really think the choice to drink or not should be personal, since it's a potent drug, and our bodies and minds will react differently to it. But our society is so tilted towards drinking as the default that it sometimes doesn't feel like a choice at all - so I like that my teenagers are seeing a situation where alcohol is truly optional - something one can take or leave.

What is your top piece of advice that you would give to someone who might want to rethink drinking?

I would say, if someone is on the fence because they don't have a "problem" per se, but they are not sure that alcohol is serving them, trying lowering the stakes a little. You don't have to make a momentous decision to never drink again - I haven't - I just know that right now, it works better for me to skip it, so that's what I'm doing. Take a short break, or just experiment with some alcohol-free drinks, or read a book about living alcohol-free and see if anything resonates. There's such a binary narrative around alcohol - either you drink with no ill effect whatsoever, or you have some terrible problem and "can't drink" but realistically most of us will be somewhere in between ... there's a huge gray area in the middle to be claimed so we can make decisions that serve us, our health, our families, and our lives.