Inspiring People Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 28

Meet Louisa

Louisa was an expert in helping others break unwanted habits - and used those skills to help herself rethink her drinking.

Please introduce yourself to our readers!

I’m a married Mum of two girls living in Herefordshire on the Welsh border in the UK.

For a living, I actually run two businesses that are quite different but that both tap into my creativity and also passion to help others. The first is a marketing and filming business having been in the filming industry for over twenty years and the other is a hypnotherapy practice where I help people face to face or online with any issues they may have.

I use a combination of hypnosis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to deal with so many varied issues, from wanting to stop unhelpful habits, dealing with anxiety, overcoming fears and phobias or anything else to do with mindset

What was your relationship with alcohol prior to rethinking drinking?

I wasn’t a big drinker in my teenage years, in fact I very rarely went out due to work commitments so I didn’t have the background of Uni years or partying like some of my peers.

My relationship with alcohol began in my twenties when I married very young and just found myself bored of an evening. This was around the 2000s when ladette culture was at it’s peak and it was seen as cool to be able to drink heavily and all of my friends would have wine every evening so it was seen as being quite normal to unwind at the end of the day.

Fast forward twenty years to just before I quit, and that habit hadn’t changed. It was a deeply imbedded routine. The irony of me helping other people with their relationship with alcohol, amongst other things in my clinic, wasn’t wasted on me! I began to realise that people were wanting to shift this part of their lives and I really associated with that.

What was the moment that you decided to rethink your drinking?

I would love to say it was an instant thing but it wasn’t really. I first wanted to go sober a decade ago but I simply didn’t know anyone who didn’t drink alcohol. It wasn’t the done thing in my friendship group. I had one sober attempt when my eldest daughter was 1 (she’s now 12) but I ended up lasting 5 days before throwing the towel in. I simply didn’t have a support system in place to hold my hand through the sometimes bumpy start to sobriety and if I could credit one thing in my success these days it’s been connecting with others on the same path.

Leading up to quitting last year, I could feel I’d had enough. I was getting unexplained bruises, I was tired of the hamster wheel of drinking and just feeling below par. I was worried what I could be doing to my health and so I knew something had to give.

So I woke up one morning last October and thought ‘enough is enough’. I got my phone out and recorded a message to myself documenting exactly how run down and low I was actually feeling and I committed to taking a break

Has it been easy or difficult to give up alcohol, and what do you think contributed to that for you?

Initially, I struggled and I documented that journey on a sober Instagram account to hold me accountable. I would clock up 15 days then I’d cave, then a run of maybe three weeks before giving in.

By the time last Christmas came around, I was exhausted and my mental health was really suffering. What really upset me at the time was that even though I helped other people with habit breaking but I just couldn’t seem to get sobriety to stick for myself. It felt so demoralising. I was reading a lot of quit lit and books on alcohol at the time too, and so there was no denying its impact on my physical and mental health any longer.

I knew I needed to do something different. That’s when I resolved to begin in the New Year with the right mindset and so I gave myself a ‘session’ with my therapist head on and I set up an action plan. As negative beliefs or thoughts arose I challenged them and let them go. I used self hypnosis to reaffirm my decision and keep positive, and quite honestly, from that point onwards it was so much easier… I’d go so far as to say it was easy. Yes, I had the odd craving or trigger but in my head, this choice to go sober was now one that was going to improve my life. I realised wasn't giving up anything.

Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or you wish you had known earlier?

In reading so much about alcohol over the last year I will say it’s all shocked me on different levels. As someone in marketing, I can’t believe how I fell for some of the messaging like ‘Mummy needs wine’ or ‘wine o’clock’. The alcohol industry is a machine and society itself perpetuates those messages.

Health wise, a massive eye opener for me was the link to cancer and that alcohol is doing so much more damage than we realise with zero benefit. It is always the liver that people worry about, but alcohol is chipping away at every cell in your body and brain in one way or another. That scared me and gave me momentum.

Where there any tools (books, podcasts, etc.) that supported your rethinking process?

As I mentioned, I relied heavily on self hypnosis which I listened to most evenings before bed. I didn’t just use it for sobriety either but I also listened to hypnosis recordings to help deal with eating through boredom, overthinking at bedtime and to deal with stress because those were all the things I turned to alcohol to help me with. I was actually writing and building a catalogue of self hypnosis recordings as I went along to support me. As they say, it isn’t ever just about stopping drinking, it’s about dealing with why you drank in the first place and my biggest driver was my overactive mind and coping with stress.

I loved the William Porter, Alcohol Explained books, Catherine Gray’s books and also Professor David Nutt’s book ‘Drink? The new science of alcohol and your health’. I absolutely love the science element and logical reasons to quit.

Podcast wise, I love listening to the ‘Sober Dave - One for the Road’ podcast and I was so fortunate to have been asked recently to go on it to be interviewed by him which was such a lovely experience. That was a proper sober milestone for me! From listening to it in my kitchen to being on the show really showed me how far I’d come. I’ve basically used this whole experience as a way to hone in and level up on so many areas of my life and grab any opportunity I can to talk about the positives I’ve gained from going sober to whoever will listen

What are some benefits you have experienced since cutting out alcohol?

How long have you got?! Honestly, I could wax lyrical but here is a rough overview: I’ve lost 2 stone 10lb (38lb/17kg) thanks to dropping the alcohol calories and having more energy and inclination to eat better and get to the gym more. Health wise, my resting heart rate is now 10bpm lower and my visceral body fat (around my organs) has dropped from a score of 8 to a score of 5, so I wasn’t too bad to begin with, but that is a move in the right direction. My BMI is now 22 when previously I was classed as overweight.

Mood wise I feel so much more able to cope with things. I was always pretty capable but now I’m even more alert, calm and respond better under stress.

I feel more confident in myself now too. When you drink alcohol most days, it chips away at your self esteem and I say to people that sobriety does the opposite in building you back up. I am calmer as well. They say alcohol causes a numbing effect on your emotions and I really do agree with that, so whilst you have to deal with more negative emotions head on in sobriety, you also have the benefit of experiencing the good emotions in full colour.

Being truly present in the moment is also amazing, especially as a parent.

What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what did you do to surge the urge when it hit?

5pm, so the end of the work day or the school run was a big trigger for me in the early days. I would say that all urges do get less over time and every time you surf an urge it’s like you’re strengthening your sober muscles.

To begin with I made sure there was a selection of alcohol free alternatives, tons of ice and chilled tonic water in the fridge. I made sure to still keep the ritual of a glass of something cold at the end of the day but I just changed what was in the glass.

Now I don’t find I have the urge any more so there is less need for the routine but when we went on holiday a few weeks ago I used the same technique. I kept the routine of the beer with the BBQ but made it an alcohol free version instead

How did removing drinking change your ability to contribute as a partner and friend?

It has 100% completely changed my experience of being a wife and mother. I’m so much more patient and better able to read situations more accurately. When you’re drinking, it doesn’t matter how intuitive you are, miscommunications happen and in sobriety they have disappeared.

I’m so fortunate in that my husband decided to go sober with me which has meant this is a team effort and I know not everyone has that experience so I’m incredibly grateful. We’ve both noticed we are more present, attentive and even more loving and considerate now we are sober

What is the top piece of advice to someone who might want to rethink drinking?

Do it. You won’t regret it. It is the one thing I would say will change your life more than you can ever imagine and actually, whilst it’s a hard thing to do, it gets easier. To begin with, do what you need to to get by but then embrace all the positives.

Connect with others. This could be online or in real life but do whatever feels right for you. There is an amazing sober community on instagram that certainly gave me the push I needed to get started and stay sober and now I share as much as I can to encourage and support others in their sobriety.

Learn as much as you can. Read about the true effects of alcohol on the body, listen to podcasts and saturate your brain on the subject of sobriety with as much passion as you saturated your life and mind when drinking alcohol. I personally really loved listening to podcasts and audiobooks while I was navigating witching hour at 5pm to distract me or when I was driving. So much so, one of my sobriety projects was writing a book myself on sobriety and mindset, combining my experiences in getting sobriety to stick with the theories behind habit change form a therapists perspective which is now out as an audiobook too. The thought that someone could be stood in their kitchen now listening to my story like I listened to so many others just feels like I’m giving back in some way. I found having projects like that to keep me focussed was essential as I had tons of energy to expend and still do!

With that in mind, I’ve now also launched a podcast where I talk to my guests about all the wonderful things they’ve done now they’re sober that they’d never have considered as a drinker. It’s completely focussed on the positives of sobriety so it’s not so much stories of how they got sober, rather why they enjoy staying sober. Whatever you do… treat it as a project and immerse yourself in it.

What do you wish you had known before you started this journey?

I wish I’d have approached it with the right mindset to begin with and actually I wish I’d done it years ago. I also wish I’d searched out other sober people sooner because community is everything.

Is there anything else you’d like to share with our community?

Just this. Believe you can do it. Don’t go into it with a mindset of hoping you can - go into it with confidence. It will change your life for the better.

Connect with Louisa and learn about how to work with her on Instagram @stepping_into_sobriety or via her website. Her book is called Becoming a Sober Rebel, and her podcast ‘The Sober Rebel’ is available free where you get your podcasts.