Inspiring People Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 25

Meet Alex

The writer, wife and dog-mom shares the magic of living an alcohol free life.

Hi Alex! Tell our readers a little about yourself.

I’m a writer (corporate and freelance), wellbeing enthusiast, proud wife, natural dopamine hunter and 2X miniature wiener dog owner/mom.

What was your relationship with alcohol prior to rethinking drinking?

My relationship with alcohol was not aligned with the life I have now – to put it gently, it was turbulent. I was a weekend binge drinker for 20 years and being a “party girl” was a big part of my identity. It was normal to consume alcohol at every weekend event or occasion – to the point where I didn’t feel like I could be “myself” if I wasn’t drinking.

What was the moment that you decided to rethink your drinking?

For a few years before I gave up alcohol, I felt like it wasn’t serving me anymore. I often had a strong nagging feeling that there was a better life for me out there and it didn’t involve a hangover. On the other hand, I felt trapped in a cycle of what I called “Groundhog Day” with the idea that there was nothing else to do in Saskatchewan but drink. It was the same thing every weekend – drinking at a friend’s house or at a bar and often gossiping about whichever friend didn’t come out that night.  

It wasn’t until my partner and I were trying to conceive a child that I started to cut back on my alcohol intake and eventually give it up altogether.  

Fast forward eight months with “no luck” and no booze, our fertility doctor informed us there was no chance of us having a baby even through IVF and we would have to adopt. Although this devastated me, I had a taste of a life without a hangover, and I wasn’t going to allow old toxic habits fueled by liquor back into my life.

Has it been easy or difficult to give up alcohol, and what do you think contributed to that for you?

Initially it was more difficult to deal with raw emotions when I wasn’t masking with alcohol, but worth it to learn how much I could grow as a person without it.  

The hardest part was realizing that in order to have the life I wanted, I would have to let some people go. I had the same friend group for years, and I spent a long time mourning that loss. 

I often felt hopeless and went through several bouts of depression because I felt like I would never make friends again. My husband was my rock through that, and I can’t credit him enough for his support and honesty. He would say to me “I can’t give you everything you need. You need friends too.” He was right and it was up to me to figure it out. 

So, for my two-year sober anniversary I threw an alcohol-free party and invited all the sober and sober curious people I knew, which sparked a few friendships that I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

Where there any tools (books, podcasts, etc.) that supported your rethinking process?

I credit my success to the support I’ve received from my friends, family and partner, reading quit lit books, joining online support communities, meditating, moving my body in ways that I love, finding new hobbies, reviving old ones and the spiritual journey that eventually emerged from my experience.

Some specific tools were: Untamed by Glennon Doyle, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker, the Dear Gabby Podcast with Gabrielle Bernstein,       On Purpose Podcast with Jay Shetty, The Reframe App, The Retired Party Girl online/IG community and Sober Girl Society on IG.

Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or you wish you had known earlier?

After six months of sobriety, I still felt scattered when I had to perform detail-oriented tasks. Spreadsheets and trying to perform any one task at a time still felt like a nightmare. I thought my focus would have improved at that point, and I couldn’t understand why it hadn’t. 

A few of the sober support communities I joined also discussed adult ADHD diagnosis in women, so I decided to take the online assessment (as recommended by my brother who is a doctor). I was shocked when I checked the “very often” box for every question.  

As a 35-year-old woman the only information I had about ADHD came from my elementary school years where “only boys had it” – which is a big fat lie.  

I ended up being diagnosed by my family doctor and my entire life shifted for the better. Although I still misplace my keys, mundane and detail-oriented activities are much easier now and I have had so many more opportunities at work to apply things like my video production and photography skills. Ultimately, I have my confidence back.

What are some benefits you have experienced since cutting out alcohol?

My relationship with my body has completely changed. Previously, I had a booze or food mentality which sent me on a non-stop weight gain/loss rollercoaster. I would barely eat on Fridays and Saturdays to “balance out” my calorie intake from alcohol and then I would “punish” myself with hours of exercise, not knowing how much the alcohol was affecting my metabolism and performance. Ultimately, I wasn’t doing my body any favours. Now, I am better at listening to my body to understand what it needs, and I exercise only because I love it.

My sleep has also seen major improvements. IMO sleep is a legitimate superpower. 

My relationships with my husband, family and friends are more deeply connected because I am always capable of showing up for them in the ways they need me. 

I am a person who thrives in routine, and in sobriety I now have the capacity to live my days with intention and consistency.

What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surge the urge when it hits?

Any social event where people “required” liquor to have fun was a big trigger for me: weddings, birthdays, concerts, holidays.  It took me a long time to feel comfortable at those events, but it was an opportunity for me to create strong boundaries. I realized that I was drinking to tolerate activities that didn’t bring me joy when I was sober. Now I have a better idea of what events I truly enjoy and when the best time is to leave (unapologetically) if things start to feel uncomfortable.  

If I’m attending an event that offers limited alcohol-free options, I’ll bring something with me that fits in my purse. If you can get your hands on a bottle of Rock Grace RGLOW Sparkling NA wine– it might not fit in your purse, but I highly recommend.

How did removing drinking change your ability to contribute as a partner and pet-mom?

I always wanted a miniature dachshund, but I knew that if I was drinking, I wouldn’t be able to give a dog the life it deserves. In my opinion, hangovers are not conducive to mindfulness and patience. I now have two little weens and can confirm they require a level of attention I would not be able to give them if I were drinking. They have also shown me a kind of unconditional love that I never knew existed and helped me be at peace with not having children of my own. 

As a sober partner – in conjunction with understanding my ADHD diagnosis – I am now more level-headed. Hangovers seemed to be the perfect storm for needless arguments. Currently, we don’t often encounter conflict (he is a patient angel) but when we do it is easier to navigate the situation and find a solution because I am more in control of my emotions. This has undoubtedly strengthened our relationship and allowed us to become clearer about our long-term goals as a couple.

What is the top piece of advice to someone who might want to rethink drinking?

Find your community. Human connection is first and foremost when it comes to success in sobriety. Find people who love, value and support you, and do the same for them. If you feel like you’ve lost all your friends, be patient. It might take some time but give yourself grace because you will be loved and supported by the right people. You’re not going to have everything figured out, but with like-minded people in your corner it will be easier to confidently maneuver the journey.

What do you wish you had known before you started this journey?

Not everyone is going to cheer for you and some people might want to see you fail. Remember that the only opinion about your sobriety that matters is your own.

Is there anything else you’d like to share with our community?

As a person who went through Grade school in the 90’s and early 2000’s alcohol was glamorized among my peers, and I had no education about how booze affects overall health. Understanding the detrimental effects of alcohol on the body has been my anchor in sobriety, and I encourage everyone to educate themselves. There are so many resources available in books, online and through peer support groups.

You can follow Alex’s journey on Instagram @sobergirlmagic.